Buddy the Vampire Slayer
by artman182
Summary: Buddy - a male slayer from a parallel Earth - will team up with Buffy the Scoobies from our Earth to defeat an ancient, powerful race of demons hell-bent on destroying not only one world, but two.
1. Chapter 0

**CHRONOLGY**

This episode takes place in Season Four between the episodes "A New Man" and "The I in Team." The episode takes place in early February, 2000.

**Continuity Notes**

As far as continuity, I had originally intended for this episode to take place directly in front of "New Moon Rising" (the episode where Oz returns) which aired in early May 2000 but going back through the episode synopses I realized that by that time Professor Walsh was already dead, Adam was already wreaking havoc, and Riley's relationship had already become estranged – to put it mildly – with the Initiative. Now it takes place right before Riley discovers Professor Walsh's nefarious plans and Adam is awakened.

So I am not so sure that, at the time this episode is intended to take place, that Tara is regularly attending "Scooby" meetings (I know for sure she was by May). If she wasn't, maybe we can think of her attendance here an anomaly, i.e. she attended a few before she started doing them on a regular basis. I am also making an assumption that Willow and Tara had started their um, beyond-friendship relationship, as it is never explicitly stated when exactly that began. However, even if it hadn't, hopefully my vagueness on the subject can save that from being an actual error.

**Other Notes**

I tried to think of appropriate guest stars (real actors, plausible that they'd play the roles) however as you might see I had to make one or two up. _Dawson's _Creek-haters, please forgive my use of James Van Der Beek. Let's face it, he's young and blonde – like Buffy, on another WB teen drama at the time (hello, cross-promotion), and probably would have been a slam-dunk choice for the WB execs if, in my fantasy world, this would have been an actual episode.

And I hope you ultra-Buffy geeks will appreciate my choice for the alternate Willow.

**ACT 0: TEASER**

_The cemetery is deathly quiet; Buffy cannot even detect the usual subtle sounds of the night like crickets singing or animals rustling. It is bathed in the slightly blue light of the half moon. She takes in as much as she can, though, eyes and ears drinking as much of her surroundings in as possible as she patrols. She is dressed in her maroon leather jacket and a grey tee shirt and black sweats with white stripes running down the sides, ending at her black sneakers. It wasn't her usual fashion choice but good for getting physical, which fighting evil usually required._

_She is only out in the graveyard about twenty minutes before she finally hears the unmistakable sound of loose earth being disturbed. She located it and strolled over to a fresh grave. She crosses her arms and patiently waits while a hand bursts out of the ground and a new vampire begins to emerge. She starts to get impatient, though, starting to tap her right foot, as the newbie takes its time to completely stumble out of the grave. _

_While the male vampire is brushing dirt off of his black burial suit, he notices Buffy. He scoffs and rolls his eyes._

MALE VAMP _(throwing up arms)_: Aw crap! The Slayer! I mean… I just came out of the ground for Hell's sake! _(scoffs again)_ Of all the luck! Oh well, story of my life! Or… my death! Or… my un… _(scratches head)_ …death? Undeath. Is that a word?

BUFFY _(readying her stake)_: Hmm. I dunno. Might be. I'll look it up after I dust you.

MALE VAMP: Aw, can't we look it up now?

BUFFY: Sorry, I left my Google at home. Now, let me take you out for a stake dinner.

MALE VAMP _(looking confused)_: Really??

BUFFY _(rolling eyes)_: Stake… as in S-T-_A_-K-E.

MALE VAMP: Oh! Umm… clever! But I like mine rare… _very_ rare!

_The vampire lunges for Buffy. She easily fights off several attempted blows to her head and delivers one of her own to his. He flies backward and cracks his back on his own headstone. When he lunges for her again, there is a flash of light to Buffy's left. Leaves begin to rustle around and then up as if a small cyclone is forming right from the nearby ground. They both stop to observe it, curious._

_A portal opens up and it spits out a figure dressed in mostly black, including a black leather jacket. The figure tumbles to the ground but then he quickly snaps up to a fighting stance, wooden stake clutched in his left hand. He is a slightly confused, apprehensive young man, about Buffy's height. Except for his jacket being black, he is dressed identical to Buffy. With his blonde hair and facial features, he actually looks a little like her. The vamp looks from Buffy, to the new guy, and back to Buffy._

MALE VAMP: Aw, you gotta be **kidding me!**

NEW GUY _(to vampire)_: I don't know where I am, or how exactly I got here, but you look like something fun to slay!

_A fight begins between the New Guy and the Vampire. The vamp barely fends off a staking attempt. Buffy joins in and tries to stake him as well. The vamp shoves her aside and she falls to the ground on her backside. A shocked look becomes frozen on her face. The vampire looks surprised as well for a brief second before the New Guy comes at him again. They fight again as Buffy gets up. This time he, and Buffy from behind, both stake the vampire at the same time. The vamp turns to dust._

BUFFY _(to new guy)_: Um, nice staking. By the way, who the hell are _you?!_

NEW GUY _(breathing heavily):_ I am Buddy… Buddy the Vampire Slayer.

_Buffy's mouth drops open._

OPENING CREDITS

Starring:

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Nicholas Brendon

Allison Hannigan

Marcus Blucas

James Marsters

and Anthony Steward Head as Giles


	2. Chapter 1

**ACT I: Discovery**

_The scene opens up in Giles' house, a typical "Scooby Gang" meeting type, only with a new, special guest sitting near the center of the room. Surrounding him is Giles, Buffy, Willow and Tara sitting close to each other, Xander and Anya sitting close to each other, and Spike is seated near the kitchen._

Guest Stars:

Amber Benson

Lindsay Crouse

Riff Regan

Sharon Peters

Leonard Roberts

Leslie Bibb

George Hertzberg

Emma Caulfield as Anya

and James Van Der Beek as Buddy

GILES: So... let me get this straight. You are a Slayer? Like our Buffy here?

BUDDY: Yep. I was actually about to slay this chick vampire who had just come out of the ground when this portal opened up and I was sucked into it. Only I'm not sure if I went anywhere because the graveyard I fell into was a lot like the one I was in.

GILES: Hmm. Fascinating. You came from some other similar graveyard. But what's more perplexing to me is that you claim to be another Slayer, and there should only be one... although we've broken that rule... but Slayers are definitely always female.

ANYA_ (scoffing)_: Come on guys, are you really that dense?! He came from the same graveyard in another dimension! He must have come from one of the hundreds of mirror dimensions.

XANDER: Ah! Like Star Trek! Or Sliders!! An alternate dimension!

BUFFY: A mirror one? As in everything is backwards? Why isn't he talking backwards?

ANYA: Well not everything is backwards. What is and isn't varies from mirror dimension to mirror dimension. And not all the differences are necessarily backwards. They're sometimes just different. But apparently in his dimension the Slayer is male. He's basically a male version of you. And I've noticed that he's left handed.

_Buddy looks down at his left hand, which he has been using to twirl his stake around._

BUDDY: What? Are most of you Righties?

GILES_ (while reading in a book, mumbling)_: Yes, being left-handed here is a recessive trait.

WILLOW _(sheepishly)_: Um… I guess the one with… Evil Vamire Willow… that was a mirror dimension?

_Tara looks at Willow._

ANYA: Yes, that is an extreme example of one. The one Buddy here comes from appears to only have small differences.

SPIKE: So the bloke comes from a world full of south paws and Slayers with outties instead of innies? _(He grins at Willow)_ I wanna hear more about this Evil Willow!

WILLOW: I'd, uh, r-rather not talk about it. Thanks.

SPIKE: Aw, come on! What's the big--?

BUFFY: Spike, leave it alone. Or would you like to be sent on a snack run when the sun rises?!

_Spike sighs, rolls his eyes, and sits further back into his chair. Meanwhile, Buffy droops a little, brings her hand to her mouth, and yawns. Giles looks at her, slightly concerned. She notices._

BUFFY: I must be a little tired or something.

BUDDY: Ah, Spike. I have one of those. A neutered vampire. Only mine's a she. Same name, though.

SPIKE _(grinning wide, an amorous look in his eyes)_: Forget Evil Willow… I wanna hear more about _her._

GILES: Typical narcissist. Would have sex with himself if the extraordinary chance ever came up. _(Looks at Spike in disgust)_

SPIKE: Hey, whasswrong with that?

BUDDY: My Spike is the same. Gender is the only difference. I wonder if he's as good in the sack as she is_. (He gives Buffy a questioning look)_

BUFFY: Ew!

BUDDY: What? You mean to tell me that you have a good-looking neutered vampire, kind of under your control, and you haven't hit that?

BUFFY: Again. Ew!

SPIKE _(very wide grin)_: Ha ha! I'd give you the ride of your life, Blondie!

BUFFY: You wish, Chiphead!

SPIKE: Naw. Maybe you couldn't handle me anyway!

BUFFY: Yes I cou—_(stops looks around at everybody's stunned silence) _– I mean, Ew!

ANYA: I'd do Spike! _(Xander shoots her an incredulous look, she nervously chuckles)_ Well, I mean, if I didn't have this sexy hunk of man next to me! And… if Spike didn't have all the… evil. _(She gives Xander an innocent smile but he scowls a little before smiling back. When Xander looks up she secretly winks at Spike. Spike rolls his eyes at her and she puppy-dog frowns)_

BUDDY: What I _don't_ have is a tactless former vengeance demon turned human. Now you're completely new to me, Anya.

ANYA: What can I say? When they made me, they broke the interdimensional mold.

GILES: Can we just all get back to the subject at hand, please?! Now, we've got an alternate Slayer here and we've got to figure out the why, how, and who. I've been looking in a few books during the mostly useless conversation so far and I have a few idears.

BUFFY: What ya know, G?

_Giles squints his eyes at her, frowns, then continues._

GILES _(looking at a book)_: Well, there are many species of demon that are powerful enough to open doorways to other dimensions. Although I am having trouble finding any that would open doorways between relatively ordinary dimensions. Usually they prefer to have fun with doorways to Hell dimensions and the like. However there's this one species of demon, the _Ra'ggüü_, they opened up a doorway to a mirror dimension once to, erm, find better tasting pies? (_He scowls at the book and flips back a page as if to say "Is that right??")_

XANDER: I woulda thought they'd be looking for better spaghetti! _(Everybody looks at him)_. OK… I'll shut up now.

ANYA: Good idea, honey.

BUDDY: Well, I don't anything about pies, except that I enjoy those little Hostess ones very much. I kinda want to get home. There's a new episode of _Spot: Pet Detective_ I wanna see and I don't know if you have that show here. So… next!

XANDER: Never heard of that one. But… Hey, Buddy! That reminds me of that old show _Charles in Charge_, had that hilarious character named Buddy.

BUDDY: Oh yeah! That was a great show! Lasted ten years. One of the most revered in television history. A "water cooler" show as they say. You had that show here??

XANDER: Sure, but not nearly as popular! Only on about five or six years and switched from network to syndication in the second season.

WILLOW: Charles… in _Charge_?

XANDER: Yeah, you haven't heard of it? _(Everybody has blank stares.)_ Come on… just me? I was the only one who--? Oh… never mind!

BUFFY _(standing up)_: Well, Charles or not, it's time for somebody to take charge. We need to figure this out. Spike, we need you to go to the usual demony hangouts and get some information.

SPIKE: _(He scoffs)_ Gimme a phone. I might call your bloody 411 information thingy… maybe after calling that vamp phone sex line.

BUFFY _(pretending to dial a pretend phone, sticking her pinky and thumb to form a pretend handset)_: Hello? Initiative? Yeah, I've got Hostile 17 here. Uh huh. May I suggest a full lobotomy, too..?

SPIKE _(rolling his eyes)_: Fine! _(He sighs.)_ It'll, uh, gimme a good excuse to find some demon arse to kick. I'm in the mood for a good romp, or two… or a dozen. Speaking of those cats, where _is_ your soldier boy?

BUFFY: One of those missions I guess. I left him a message. I'd be surprised if the Initiative didn't detect the portal. But anyway… Willow…

WILLOW: Tara and I, we can research portal-opening spells. It may not have been a demon. It could have been a powerful witch or warlock.

GILES: That's pretty damned powerful. I wouldn't want to run into one of those. If you find one, please come to me first.

TARA: Sure thing. Wow. I didn't know there were witches that could do that.

WILLOW: Oh you have no idea. I can't wait to teach you some things.

BUFFY _(turning to Buddy)_: Buddy…

BUDDY: Why don't you go patrolling with me? We might be able to beat some information out of some demons, too.

BUFFY: Weird. I was just going to say that exact same thing.

ANYA: I'll see if I can find anything out from any of _my_ contacts.

BUFFY: Giles… you…

_Giles looks up from his book._

BUFFY: You read!

GILES _(rolling his eyes)_: Thanks. _(Then he mutters under his breath)_ Thought the Watcher gave the bloody orders…

XANDER_ (as everybody starts to get up)_: Umm… I'll uh… I'll… hmmm.

ANYA: I don't mind that you're useless, honey. Just as long as you keep up those skills in the bedroom!

_Everybody looks away from them, pretending not to have heard her._

XANDER: Gee… thanks, An. You certainly have a way with compliments. _(He gets up.)_ You know what, I'm coming with you!

ANYA: Oh! I get to show off my new human boyfriend to my old demon friends! How exciting! Although, you might want to stay in the car when I go see the ones who like to eviscerate people and use their guts to make pastas.

_Xander swallows._

_The scene switches to Buffy and Buddy patrolling down a dark alley in town. Their dark shadows hide some of the street light reflections in the moist pavement._

BUDDY: …yeah it was a very strange feeling. I'd never taken a ride in a portal before. It really sucked at first…literally. (It felt like I was getting sucked up a vacuum cleaner or something.) But then after that for a second or two it was like being on a really neat roller coaster.

_A car with an unusually loud engine passes behind them on the main street._

BUFFY: So you don't remember seeing a demon or anything? Hearing a strange voice or something? The portal just opened and you were Hoovered over here?

BUDDY: That's pretty much it. _(Suddenly he yawns.)_ It must be very late.

BUFFY: It is. But I patrol 'till three, four o'clock in the morning usually. You do, too, right? Or in Backwardsville do you take the day shift?

BUDDY: No, the night shift. I should be used to it by now, I know.

BUFFY: Actually I'm feeling a little beat myself. _(She sighs.)_ No rest for the weary, though. So, is your Scooby Gang all gender-switched?

BUDDY: Actually, not all of them. I mean, my friend Xandra – full first name Alexandra – she's a chick. But my Willow's a girl. But she still looks different than yours. And has a different last name. She's probably trying spells to bring me back as we speak. She was a bit further along in her magicks than yours. And her "friend," Tanya, she kinda looks like your Tara, only with darker hair.

BUFFY: Why'd you say "friend" like that?

BUDDY: Well, those two, they're _real_ friendly… if ya know what I mean.

BUFFY: Oh… I see. _That_ kind of friendly.

_Scene switches to a young woman with a plump face, curly short dark hair. At a podium, she is studying a big, dusty old book with yellowed pages. Behind her is an open window, the night breeze tossing the curtains about._

_A tall blonde girl is standing before the podium, looking very concerned._

GIRL: Willow! I don't know about this! That last spell nearly blew this house up! I think you should just quit! Miss Gillian is contacting some powerful witches to see if _they_ can figure out how to get Buddy back!

OTHER WILLOW_ (flipping a page furiously)_: This will work, Xandra! I know this one will!

XANDRA: Willow, stop! Miss Gillian said before she left, under no circumstances were you to try any spells trying to open up a portal! You're powerful, Will, but you're not there yet!

_A brunette girl that looks a lot like Tara, only with dark hair, approaches Willow._

TANYA _(putting her hand on Willow's shoulder)_: Baby, I'm starting to agree with Xandra now. I think we should stop and wait for Miss Gillian, too!

OTHER WILLOW: This spell will work, Tanya! I thought you had faith in me!

TANYA: I do! I do! But I'm getting scared!

OTHER WILLOW: I can't imagine how scared Buddy is! He's probably in a Hell dimension or something. We gotta get him out of there!

_The Other Willow starts chanting something in Latin. Her eyes turn completely black and her skin turns pale. Her voice becomes frighteningly deep. A portal DOES open. But it is glowing red. An evil roar begins to emanate from it. Something very, very evil is trying to come through._

TANYA _(tears starting to come from her eyes, screaming, trying to be heard over the roar)_: Oh my god! Please tell me you didn't open up a doorway to a Hell dimension! WILLOW!

XANDRA: Close it, Willow! CLOSE IT NOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!

_A long, dark talon strikes out from the portal. It impales Xandra through the gut, sending blood spraying on Willow and Tanya. Xandra's eyes open wide, horrified. Scene cuts to black._


	3. Chapter 2

**ACT II: Some Answers**

_The scene descends upon a bar full of demons of all sorts of different colors, shapes, and sizes. And Spike, all vamped out, appears to be fighting them ALL, as almost the entire establishment is engulfed in a bar brawl, complete with breaking glass and smashing chairs and tables._

DEMON BARTENDER _(cowering behind the bar, but poking his head up a little)_: Damn it, Spike! Hasn't the Slayer… slayed you _yet_?!

SPIKE _(stopping long enough to say)_: What can I say, mate? Guess she's taken a shine to me!

_Spike starts wailing on a demon with insect eyes._

DEMON BARTENDER: I am getting sick of you always coming over here, trashing the place!! I'm sending you a bill this time!

SPIKE _(breathing heavily)_: Well, I'll tidy this brawl up a bit… _(punches away a purple demon) _…you give me some information I need!

DEMON BARTENDER: All right! All right! I'll tell ya anything I know… about anything!

SPIKE: Capital!

_Spike then proceeds to break the neck of the next demon that attacks him, killing it. Another demon grabs Spike from behind in a bear hug. Spike hunches over and starts helicoptoring the demon around. He flings the demon out the window. He then proceeds to knock his next few attackers out cold. Finally the few other patrons that are left standing stop attacking him._

SPIKE _(turning to bartender, brushing off his long, black leather jacket)_: All right! Now, know anything about any portals opening up in Sunnydale?

_The bartender frowns knowingly._

_The scene changes to Buffy and Buddy heading toward the end of another dark alley. Beyond it are the Docks._

BUFFY: These docks we're headed towards, at night it's crawling with Things That Go Bump In the Night. They're sufficiently afraid of me.

BUDDY _(smiling)_: Afraid of _us_. Do you get info from these guys often? I do at my docks.

BUFFY: Apparently our Docks are both the same.

_The scene cuts to Buffy, in an office by the docks, pushing a fat, orange demon, with dull horns all over his head, against the wall with her arm against his neck._

BUFFY: So, know any demons lately who like to be extradimensional travel agents for Slayers?

DEMON _(in a deep but strained voice)_: I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about! You're lucky there's two of ya or I'd--!

BUDDY _(pulling out a large dagger and putting it near the demon's neck)_: Look, scumbag, somebody sent me over here from another dimension. I wanna know who! Who opened a portal?!

DEMON: L-l-look! OK! I may know something! But, y'know, just some overheard conversations and--!

BUFFY _(menacingly)_: Just spill it!

DEMON: Well, there are supposedly these old ones, don't know their species name, these guys who can be in more than one dimension at once, they're planning something, something similar to something they did a long time ago, like centuries ago. But what, I don't know! I swear! I don't know any more than that!

BUDDY_ (putting dagger to the demon's pinky finger)_: Do you PINKY swear??

DEMON: Yes, yes!

_Buffy lets him go. Buddy reluctantly backs away as well._

BUFFY: See ya later, Clyde. Until next time I need some info…

CLYDE: Kiss my ass, bitch.

_Buffy roundhouse kicks him in the head. The demon just flails backwards a little. Buddy kicks him as well, a little harder, this time causing Clyde to fall over unconscious._

BUFFY _(looking down at Clyde)_: I must be off my game. It usually only takes one kick to render that loser unconscious.

BUDDY: Maybe we were onto something earlier. I think we need some rest. Even a Slayer's gotta sleep. Let's get out of here before any more of these mongrels wanna tango.

BUFFY: Good idea. We'll meet with the other Scoobies tomorrow.

BUDDY: Man. Is it just me, or are the demons in your world even uglier?

BUFFY: Hey if they're any better looking than this guy maybe after you get back home I'll come for a visit. Maybe Willow can conjure up a round-trip ticket.

BUDDY: I know my Willow could.

_Scene cuts to Other Willow and Tanya hovering over Xandra, who is lying on the floor and bleeding profusely. Willow has her hands above Xandra's large, sucking wound and a glow is emanating from them. Xandra moans._

OTHER WILLOW _(sobbing)_: Xandra! Don't die! This should heal you. If you see any other portals open up, don't go into them!

_A tall, black-leather-clad female vampire with short bleach blonde hair is pacing near them. She scoffs at their efforts, then takes a drag off of her cigarette. She's very thin with high cheekbones and ruby red lips._

OTHER SPIKE_ (in a British accent)_: Oh just stick a fork in her, she's done! You'd need a pretty powerful witch to repair a severed aorta and all those other ravaged innards. A might more powerful than you, Chubby, I reckon. Let's just get on with it and clean up this mess! _(She licks her lips)_ I'll take care of all that fresh, warm blood!

TANYA _(looks up at Spike, furious)_: I HATE you!

OTHER SPIKE: Sorry, love, not a big fan of yours, either.

OTHER WILLOW: Xandra, don't listen to her! I'll fix this! _(There's no response from Xandra, even though her eyes are open)_. Xandra? Xandra??

OTHER SPIKE: Give up already! She's dead! And we'd all be dead if I hadn't kicked that demon's arse back through the hole and it hadn't collapsed in on itself because you're too stupid to create a good one!

WILLOW: No!

_The female Spike kicks Xandra's limp right leg. _

TANYA: What are you DOING?!

_Spike crouches down to be eye level with Willow and Tanya. She points to her head._

OTHER SPIKE: See? No blinding pain from Mr. Chippy! She's DEAD!

WILLOW_ (sobbing)_: No… NO!

OTHER SPIKE: Yep, she's dead, and you killed her! Maybe next time you'll remember that opening up doorways to Hell are for grown-ups and you should stick to enchanting your Easy-Bake Oven!

OTHER WILLOW: I'll… I'll resurrect her! If she just died, maybe I can—

OTHER SPIKE: Are you MENTAL?? Did Buddy take your brain with him?! You think you're dealing with dark magicks NOW, well, kid, you ain't see nothin'!

TANYA: Willow, I think you should listen to Spike. It's… it's over. You should have listened. You shouldn't have—

OTHER SPIKE: Well it's partly your fault, too, y'know! Maybe after Willow became a free agent after Oz ran off with his tail between his legs and you hadn't come in and signed her to _your_ team, maybe she wouldn't have been trying this advanced stuff!

TANYA: Shut up!

_Willow appears not to be listening, leaning over Xandra's body, sobbing uncontrollably._

OTHER SPIKE: Yeah, maybe if your fat arse hadn't come along Willow would be doing it doggy-style in the bedroom with her werewolf and X here would be alive and well and still making goo-goo eyes at Buddy every time he flashed that cocky grin of his.

_Tanya reaches over and picks up a pointed piece of wood that'd used to be one of the legs to the smashed coffee table._

TANYA_ (growling, staring down Spike with menacing eyes)_: You think you have all the answers, don't you?!

OTHER SPIKE _(grinning)_: Ah! Gonna play Slayer are you? _(She stands to her full height; so does Tanya.)_ Come on then! You want a piece of this, little girl? I've got a bottle of Tylenol in my pocket. Come on, then!

_Tanya lunges at Spike with the improvised stake. Spike punches her away – hard – but screams in pain and slaps her forehead. Tanya slowly gets back up as Spike tries to regain her bearings. _

OTHER WILLOW: Tanya!

_She scrambles to help Tanya up. Tanya squirms away from Willow and tries again to stake Spike. But Spike, who has straightened up by now, lunges the palm of her hand forward and smashes it into Tanya's nose. As Spike yells in pain again, Tanya flies backward, blood spurting from her broken nose. She falls onto Xandra's body._

OTHER SPIKE_ (still holding her head in pain)_: Sorry… love… 'bout that nose. Shouldn't… come at two hundred year-old vampires with pointy wooden sticks unless your nickname starts with the letter 'S' and ends in the letter 'y.' But even then—

_Willow looks up, her eyes dark again, chanting something in an exotic language. The stake raises up from the ground and shoots at Spike. She barely dodges it and the stake smashes into the wall behind her._

OTHER SPIKE: Well, uhh, maybe not portals, but, um, you seem to be pretty good at flinging sticks. So… I know when I've overstayed my welcome. I'll be going then.

_She runs out the door just as three more pieces of wood come flying across the room._

_The scene changes to Riley and Forrest speaking with Professor Walsh at the headquarters of the Initiative._

RILEY: While on patrol earlier we picked up the unmistakable signature of a portal opening in Sunnydale.

FORREST: We pinpointed the location, the graveyard off of Fourth, but when we arrived there was nothing unusual going on. Not even any hostiles to be found.

PROF. WALSH: We picked it up here, too. It was a very small portal, the opening placed very precisely. I think it was meant to transport a specific individual to a specific place. I assume it was created by somebody on the other side of it.

RILEY: I, uh, I got a message from Buffy… _(Prof. Walsh rolls her eyes)_ …um, well, she said that a portal opened while she was on patrol and the person who came through was a guy calling himself "Buddy" and that he was a Slayer, too. That's probably the portal we're lookin' at.

PROF. WALSH: _Another_ Slayer? Hmph. I was getting tired of the one we already had. So, what, somebody's thinking for some reason this dimension needs two??

FORREST: We infiltrated one of the local demon hangouts to get some information. It was completely trashed and nobody was there except one hostile that was near death. He said before he expired that a vampire destroyed the place looking for the same information.

_Professor Walsh lets out a long, exasperated sigh._

PROF. WALSH: Well… Riley, looks like we need you go to one of their… what do they call it? Shaggy meetings?

RILEY: Scooby.

PROF. WALSH: Whatever. Go to a… "Scooby" meeting… and see what information they might have gathered.

RILEY: I was already planning to. I talked to Buffy about fifteen minutes ago. They're convening at oh-nine-hundred.

PROF. WALSH: Fine. And Forrest, in the meantime, go back to the graveyard and do some tachyon readings, see if there's anything our sensors may have missed the first time. If any hostiles came through, we might, in theory, be able to find out which ones by detecting any residual tachyons on them that match the portal's. Dismissed.

_Riley promptly leaves but Forrest stays behind._

FORREST: Any word on… I mean… have they found…?

PROF. WALSH: I'm sorry, Forrest, Agent Topp didn't make it. His body was found outside a hostile nest.

_Forrest sighs._

FORREST: Damn. I liked him.

PROF. WALSH: Grieve later, Agent Gates. Right now you have an assignment.

_Forrest leaves. Walsh then leaves her seat and leaves the common area. She descends down a silent, empty hallway and uses her security card to enter a secured laboratory. Inside a tall, badly-injured, dark-haired agent is lying strapped to an examination table. He is hooked to a slew of life support machines and is missing his left arm and both legs._

AGENT (weakly): Why… why am I strapped down? Sure… surely you don't think I'm any kind of threat?

PROF. WALSH: It's just standard precaution.

_She wakes up a nearby computer and examines a technical illustration. It appears to be showing an image of the agent with schematics of new bionic limbs attached._

AGENT: I… I'm missing most of my limbs. What could I possibly do? I know… I'm probably done as an agent.

WALSH_ (with an odd grin on her face)_: Oh, Agent Topp, I wouldn't worry. We have bigger plans for you. _Very_ big plans.

_The agent tries to look around Walsh at the monitor. What he sees puts a look of horror on his face._


	4. Chapter 3

**ACT III: The Assumption**

_It is the next day. The scene descends upon the front door of Rupert Giles' house. It cuts to the inside where the "Scoobies" are having another meeting regarding their unusual visitor._

GILES _(flipping through a book flippantly)_: I hope you all were able to come up with a significant amount of information because, honestly, I'm sorry to say I was not able to find much in these books. Like I said yesterday, usually you only have to worry about portals opening up to dimensions with unspeakable horrors, like Hell dimensions.

XANDER: …or dimensions where all television is the Lifetime network.

_Awkward silence._

GILES: Does anybody but Xander have anything to say?

WILLOW: We came up empty.

TARA: Yeah, no witches or warlocks opened at up, at least according to what we could find out.

WILLOW: Or… lack of what we found out.

ANYA: Xander and I, we didn't find out anything, either.

GILES: Why not?

ANYA: We were having lots of The Sex.

_Giles throws up his head and sighs. The room is then filled with several quiet groans and sighs._

GILES: Oh, why did I ask?

BUDDY: Well, _Buffy and I_ found out a little something. But it wasn't much. Just that some old demons who are planning something big, and it has to do with portals, and it's like something they did a long time ago. _(He sits back, puts his hands behind his head, smiling.)_ Yep, we, uh, roughed up a coupla baddies.

_Spike scoffs loudly._

SPIKE: A couple?? Ha! I beat hell oughtta a whole Rugby team of demons!

GILES: Demons play Rugby?

SPIKE: Well, er, not that I know of. I mean… well it was a whole lot of them. That's my point.

GILES: So what did you find out?

_Just then Riley enters the house, and the room._

BUFFY: Ah, it's my wayward, gun-toting boyfriend! We were just about to get the juicy part.

RILEY_ (as he sits by Buffy)_: I hope I haven't missed anything good!

BUFFY: Unfortunately you just missed Hostile 17 making an ass out of himself.

RILEY: That DOES sound good!

SPIKE: Eh, you want this information or NOT?!

BUFFY_ (grumbling)_: Sorry… Spike… please continue…

SPIKE: Well. Apparently there are these ancient demons, called the Ra'd'ha'Sha, they exist in two different dimensions at once, the one we're in, and the one where Buddy lives. Back like four hundred years ago or so they wanted to get rid of the Slayer in both dimensions so they could go about with this… are you ready for this?.. apocalypse they were planning.

BUFFY: _Another_ one??

XANDER: What's with all these apocalypses? Or, would it be, "apocalypt_i_?"

GILES: Not for sure what the plural would be. The word was only intended to be singular. As in, there's supposed to be _only one_.

BUDDY: Multiple apocalypses?? Man, I'm glad I don't live in this dimension.

SPIKE: Well, anyway, these Rads – my lil' nickname for 'em – they sucked the Slayer from one dimension to another so they could have both in one place and kill two birds with one gigantic stone, right? But it didn't work. Apparently having two Slayers in one dimension made each one more powerful and they handily defeated the Rads, reducing their number and ruining their day. Now they're at it again. My sources think they're just going to try to kill one at a time this time.

BUFFY: And how reliable is this fantastic information from you, Spike? I mean, here we both are… again. Two Slayers.

GILES_ (reading a page from a new book)_: He's right. I can't believe I forgot about them. The Ra'd'ha'Sha. They're multidimensional beings, usually only existing in two at a time, who have always sought control over whatever two they are in. Indeed, in 1600, exactly 400 years ago, they brought the Slayers – one male, one female – from one dimension to another to destroy them _both_ with _one_ powerful spell. But their nefarious plan backfired; having the two in one dimension doubled each of their powers, essentially increasing their combined power fourfold. The demons were easily defeated; apocalypse postponed. One of the few left alive returned the displaced Slayer promptly. Their powers returned to normal shortly thereafter.

BUDDY: But why would they make the same mistake again, bringing us both together?

BUFFY: Maybe they've been working out? Getting buffed at some demon gym?

GILES: My guess is that some benevolent entity, who witnessed the last attempt, opened up the portal and brought Buddy here to increase your powers again.

WILLOW: But who?

RILEY: We've got some nice demons. Maybe I could ask them.

BUFFY: You have non-hostile hostiles??

RILEY: Hey, I don't make the rules…

BUFFY: You just follow them. Right.

ANYA: I'll bet it was the Medunas. They're not nice, necessarily, but they like to manipulate things to try to kinda balance things out, make things fair. They're meddlers who have been known to open portals between worlds.

GILES: But they've been quite for centuries. Some even think they may be extinct. My guess would be the Remulkens.

SPIKE: I've tussled with a few of them once. Back in the '20's. Believe me, if they could open portals, they would have opened one to get away from _me_.

BUFFY: Was it the smell??

_Spike gives Buffy a dirty look._

WILLOW: Well, it isn't really important who it is. As long as those two are together, they probably won't try to attack. Or when they do, they'll get their butts kicked.

BUDDY: Well I wish they'd hurry up. I'd really like to go home. I'd rather not just sit around waiting for them.

_There's a loud knock at the door._

GILES_ (heading to the door)_: I wonder who that is.

_He looks through the little viewing lens on the door. He sees through the fisheye lens two men in dark suits._

GILES: Oh dear. Looks like Jehovah's Witnesses or something.

SPIKE _(licking his lips)_: Ah, they're tasty.

_Giles opens the door. _

GILES: Look, sorry, we're in the middle of--

_The two men's faces transform into grotesque, snake-like heads with huge sharp teeth. As they begin hissing one punches Giles in the chest and send him hurling backwards into the room. They come into the room a few steps._

_Buddy and Buffy pop up immediately and converge on the demons. Spike steps over to where Giles is lying while Buffy and Buddy lay their first blows._

SPIKE _(looking down on Giles)_: Looks like you should be careful what Buddy wishes for, Rupert.

_Buddy and Buffy's blows have surprisingly little effect on the demons, who mostly just grin and take it. After another moment of this apparently futile effort on the Slayers' part, the snake demons, with little resistance, strike their own blows. It isn't long before both Slayers are flailing on the floor._

_Riley jumps into action and attacks them both. After punching him away he tries to tazer them. They're both shocked and step back a little but a reptilian tail whips out from the one on the right and it bats the tazer out of Riley's hand. The other sends a blow into Riley's chest that sends him crashing into – and smashing – Giles' coffee table._

GILES_ (slowly getting up)_: Dear lord, I wish they'd take this outside.

_The Slayers try for Round Two. Again, after a scuffle, they are sent to the floor. This time Buffy's nose springs blood as well as the side of Buddy's mouth._

XANDER (finally getting up): OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sort of thing usually goes better.

BUDDY_ (groaning)_: Talk about being off your game! These Rad dudes are badass.

BUFFY_ (struggling to get up again, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her sweater)_: That extra power had better kick in soon! Maybe the third time's a charm?

_The Slayers this time both try low kicks to throw the demons off of their footing. They do almost fall, but they brace themselves on the doorframe and counterattack. Every blow the Slayers try is either parried or taken with little damage. And every blow the demons deliver are near-devastating to Buffy and Buddy. Again, while advancing further into the room, the demons send the Slayers to the floor. _

_Giles looks pleadingly at Spike._

SPIKE: Wha?? Oh come on! Are you forgetting again that I'm evil??

_Willow and Tara both try casting spells. Willow sends a wind their way that almost knocks the demons over. Tara freezes one in place, but the spell only lasts a few seconds._

GILES_ (as he heads for his weapons cabinet)_: Come on, Spike! They look like they'd be fun to beat on!

SPIKE: Well… _(he sighs)_… you DO have a point. All right! I'll give it a go.

_As Giles gets a large ax Spike, vamping out, runs past the Slayers, who are trying to get up again, and attacks the snake demons. Riley also struggles to his feet. He pulls a small caliber handgun, which had been hidden under the back of his jeans and his sweater._

TARA_ (to Willow)_: Ooo! A gun! That might work! Um… why don't they try guns more often??

WILLOW: You know… I'm not sure.

_The fight becomes a full-on melee as Spike dukes it out with them as Giles tries swiping at them with his ax. Riley shoots at them whenever he gets a clear shot… only regarding Giles. The Slayers, meanwhile, are still dazed, crouching on the floor._

SPIKE_ (after accidentally getting shot in the back by Riley, snapping his head back towards him)_: Hey!

_Riley grins, shrugs, and takes aim again. One of the demons takes advantage of Spike's momentary distraction and lands a crushing blow to his head that sends him backwards, and nearly falling on his backside. With Spike out of the line of fire, as well as Giles, Riley lets off a full volley of gunfire, wounding the snake demons numerous times._

_Bleeding green blood from numerous gunshot wounds and slices from Giles' ax, as well as sporting bruises from Spike's attack, the demons look at each other, turn back into human form, then run out the door._

SPIKE: Ey! Where the hell do you think YOU'RE going? _(He watches them, through the doorway, vanish in a flash of blue light.)_ Those wankers buggered off! I barely got a workout! Come back 'ere and fight like a man! Or… a, um, man… snake… thing!

_Spike's face unvamps and he sighs._

BUDDY_ (groaning)_: Man… those Raddies sure are Baddies. I mean… that was just embarrassing!

BUFFY: Ditto! Damn, just how powerful _are_ these things, Giles?

GILES_ (while putting sword away and closing and locking cabinet):_ Well… erm, I've got bad news for you two.

_Giles then picks up his book from the debris of the coffee table and shakes some shavings off._

BUFFY: That powerful huh?

GILES: Actually, quite the opposite. Those _weren't_ the Ra'd'ha'Sha.

BUDDY: Come again!

GILES: They were Hisss'ake demons. They were just the Ra'd'ha'Sha's – for lack of a better term – lackeys.

_Spike scoffs. Then he scoff-laughs. Then he begins full-on laughing._

SPIKE _(trying to talk while still chuckling)_: Lackeys! They were _lackeys?!_ Oh! Oh, this is too-oo-oo rich!

GILES _(while Spike continues to laugh and giggle)_: Well, don't get me wrong, the Hisss'ake are, um, formidable opponents! Uhh, I mean, you're lucky they didn't bite, their bites are spectacularly lethal to mortals… and not too fun for vampires, either, unless you like the idear of spending the rest of your unnatural life as a gelatinous pile of flesh_ (Spike stops laughing)_, but, um, they should have been no trouble for a Slayer… um… much less two.

_Buffy and Buddy look at each other in disbelief, then back at Giles._

BUFFY and BUDDY: Uh oh.

SPIKE: Lackeys!!

_Back in the mirror dimension, Willow and Tanya are wondering what to do about Xandra's body._

TANYA: So, like, do we call paramedics? Police?

WILLOW: How do we explain it?

TANYA: What'll we do? I mean, what, bury her? What do we tell her family? What about the legal stuff, like having a doctor declare her dead and stuff?

_A tall woman with short red hair enters the house dressed in a camo-military outfit._

WILLOW: Rene!

RENE: What the hell happened here?! And why's Xandra… XANDRA!

_She crouches down to Xandra's body and quickly examines it._

RENE: She's dead! What kind of hostile killed her?

WILLOW _(meekly)_: Um, the hellbound kind?

TANYA: Willow, trying to find Buddy, opened up an unstable portal to a Hell dimension. Something partially came through.

_Rene looks at Willow dumfounded._

RENE: That… that was incredibly STUPID! I want Buddy back, too, obviously, but, I mean… why… why would you even attempt something so idiotic?!

WILLOW: Buddy--

RENE: You know, just don't! All right! I don't want to hear it! We've got things to do here. Have you called any police or paramedics?

TANYA: No, we were just debating –

RENE: Good! We can clean up this mess properly. I'll have our agents handle it. We'll fix the legal stuff, make something up.

WILLOW_ (sobbing)_: I… I'm sorry, I… nobody feels worse than me! She was my best friend, and… ever since I broke my crayon in kindergarten…

RENE: You've broken a lot more than that now! Dammit! And we were onto something at the Initiative! We think we may have an idea of where he was sent.

TANYA: Where?

RENE: We think some sort of other mirror dimension. An ordinary one. _Not_ Hell. _(She grabs a walkie-talkie from her belt.)_ Agent Gates… Agent Gates!

FORREST (his voice crackles through the walkie-talkie): Yeah?

RENE: We need some assistance here. We've got a Situation Thirty-One.

FORREST: Who was killed?

RENE: Alexandra Harris. One of the students I know.

FORREST: What was the hostile?

RENE: I didn't see it. Apparently something extremely dangerous trying to come through a portal to a Hell dimension.

FORREST: _Another_ portal?

RENE: I'll explain later. We need a team over here stat while the body's still somewhat warm.

FORREST: Roger that. Gates out.

_Rene puts the walkie-talkie back. She gives Willow a cold look. Willow's too busy sobbing to notice._


	5. Chapter 4

**ACT IV: Revelations**

_Willow and Tara are busy helping Xander and Anya clean up the room. Giles is studying a book while Buffy and Buddy are sulking on the couch. Riley sits on the other side of Buffy trying to console her. Spike is sitting in the love seat enjoying a mug of pig's blood._

ANYA_ (as she sweeps some dirt into a dustpan)_: Don't you have a clean-up spell or something, Will?

WILLOW_ (as she and Tara pick up large pieces of the table)_: Um, the last time I tried a room-tidying spell, I sort of made the carpet purple-polka-dotted.

GILES_ (mumbling)_: Dear god, please don't try one.

BUFFY: How? HOW?! I mean…. HOW?

BUDDY: Well, now… maybe… maybe this fourfold power thing will kick in soon. Maybe the demons were supercharged by the Radasses.

XANDER: Well, I have an idea.

SPIKE: Did you get it from _Charles in Charge?_

XANDER: No! But it _is_ sorta from _Star Trek._

SPIKE_ (rolling his eyes, mumbling)_: Bloody well figures.

XANDER: Well, so Buddy comes from a mirror dimension, right? So what if the last time they brought the female Slayer to the male's dimension? What if when you do the opposite, bring the male Slayer to the female's dimension, their powers _decrease_, or like, cancel each other out? Maybe these Radassa guys, _they're_ the ones who opened the portal again, _they're_ the ones who brought Buddy here.

_Everybody stops what they're doing to look at Xander. Giles flips furiously ahead in his book. He reads something._

GILES: Well, will wonders never cease? Xander had a good idea. I think he's right! It _was_ the female Slayer who was brought to the male Slayer's world last time!

_Xander sits down in a chair at the kitchen counter, smiling smugly. Buffy gets up and goes to the side of the couch. Buddy gets off of it as well._

BUFFY: Remember when I lifted this whole couch up, Giles, to find change when the Ding-Ding Man drove by?

GILES: How could I forget? You didn't get my fudgecicle.

BUFFY: For the three thousandth time, I didn't find enough change! And he didn't accept those stupid British ones I found.

_Buffy grunts, growls, and tries her hardest to lift the couch. She only is able to lift it a few inches. She gives up, lets it down, and lets out an exasperated sigh. Buddy tries to lift it from the other side, to the same results._

BUFFY: Yep, that confirms it! I'm weak. Xander's idea explains everything! I've been feeling sluggish… pretty much since the moment you arrived Buddy! And it keeps getting worse.

BUDDY: Same here! I actually tried buying one of those energy drinks this morning.

ANYA: Wow. _(She looks at Xander amorously.)_ You… are so sexy when you're smart!

XANDER_ (smiling)_: Well… I know!

ANYA: Wanna go upstairs?

XANDER_ (he ponders for a second)_: Yeah!

_Anya drops the dustpan and they both head for the stairs._

GILES_ (calling after them)_: No… no… I just… _(Xander and Anya scramble up the stairs, out of sight)_ …just had my sheets laundered! Xan… Xander? Anya? _(He sighs and slaps the book on a small side table.)_ Nevermind.

BUFFY: Giles! We've got bigger problems than Xander's spunk on your clean sheets!

SPIKE_ (putting down his mug)_: Well, I've lost _my_ appetite!

BUFFY: Buddy and I are weak! Our powers are probably almost completely gone by now. We can't fight these demons. There's no way! Their _lackeys_ kicked our… our mirrored asses!

GILES: They probably sent their lackeys to come over and test you two. That's why when you were out of the fight, and their suspicions were confirmed, that bringing Buddy here worked and reduced your powers, they left. The Ra'd'ha'Sha want to kill you two themselves. You're right. This is far from an ideal situation.

WILLOW: We've got to somehow open a portal to Buddy's dimension and send him back.

BUDDY: Better than that, send Buffy back through with me. Our powers increase fourfold, and again the Slayer Duo triumphs! _(He pumps his fist in the air, but then he winces in pain and grabs his arm.) _Ouch!

GILES: The problem is opening the portal.

RILEY: We've been doing some experiments at our headquarters. But, uh, we haven't had much success. Of course, we were trying theoretical physics, not magic.

GILES: Well it's pretty powerful magic. It's supposed to be very difficult. The gods don't want people opening up dimensional doorways willy-nilly. I can talk to the Council. They might have somebody over there as they know many extremely powerful witches and warlocks over there.

WILLOW: Well, maybe I can—

GILES: NO! _(His outburst causes an odd silence.)_ Don't you dare even try it, girl. I don't believe you realize yet what kind of magicks you're dealing with in that area.

WILLOW: But with Tara—

GILES: You are nowhere near the skill level required to even _attempt_ portal-opening! Neither of you! Not even together! Try it and I'll do everything in my power to stop you.

_Everybody is stunned a little by Giles' sudden burst of grave seriousness._

WILLOW: Um… you know… I don't like Mean Giles. Can we please get muttering, stuttering, wise Giles back?

GILES: Sorry. It's just that I had to convey to you how serious I was. It's not that I don't have faith in you. You have great potential, I'm sure of it. I just really think… no, I _know_, it would be extremely dangerous for you to try it. I just don't want you to get hurt. Or anybody else. Do you understand?

WILLOW (sighing): OK. I… understand.

BUFFY: Well whatever it is we're gonna do, we should do it fast. As soon as those snakey guys report back to their bosses, we're toast!

GILES_ (picking up his cordless telephone)_: I'll call the Council immediately.

BUDDY: Unless they can open up non-interdimensional portals to get their sorcerer here pronto, we need a quicker solution for the time being. They could attack at any moment!

SPIKE_ (smiling, to Giles)_: Hey Rup, you got any of that microwave popcorn? I wanna enjoy a snack while I see a coupla Slayers get slayed. You don't get to see _that_ everyday!

GILES_ (whispering, moving the handset's speaker away from his mouth):_ It would probably be over very quickly, Spike. And no, I don't have any! _(When he hears a voice, he promptly puts his mouth back to the speaker.)_ Ah, yes, this is Giles… uh huh… yes…

BUFFY_ (whimpering)_: Quickly?!

BUDDY: Well, powers or no powers, if I'm gonna go down, I'm gonna go down fighting!_ (He cracks his knuckles, but winces in pain)_ Ouch!

RILEY: Spike! If you don't help us when they come, and we're both still alive afterwards, I'll make sure you're back in the Initiative's holding cells AND that they use you for every experiment they're currently conducting! And I'll see to it that I perform them myself!

_Spike scoffs. He groans, and slowly rolls his eyes and nods his head._

SPIKE: Ffffffffffine! Whatever! I'll help!

WILLOW_ (in an almost contemptuous-sounding tone of voice)_: Maybe there's some Giles-approved magic Tara and I can try.

TARA_ (to Willow)_: B-but… wh-what can _we_ do that'd be effective against demons so… s-so powerful?

WILLOW: Maybe not spells on the demons… maybe we could try to give Buffy and Buddy their Slayer energy back! Or… at least some of it.

TARA: You know what would be easier? May… may-maybe like… some sort of reversal spell. Something that simple could work. J-j-just something to reverse what's happening to them.

WILLOW: What? You don't think we could do something better?

TARA: No, no, hon, I d-d-d-didn't mean—

SPIKE_ (to Tara in a confused scowl)_: Did… did you just call her "hon?"

TARA: Well, n-n-no, I, I mean, well, I-I-I j-just, it's – it's just a t-t-t-term tha-that I… I m-mean that I-I j-just use…

GILES_ (putting down his phone)_: A reversal spell might do the trick. You two should try that.

_Willow sighs._

WILLOW: A reversal spell it is, then. I think I know one. We'll start working on it.

BUFFY: Giles, what did the Council say?

GILES: The Council, well, um, they're um… well… on a bit of a um… holiday. Of sorts.

BUFFY_ (whining)_: A HOLIDAY?! _(She stamps her foot)_ That's British for "vacation!" UN-believable!

SPIKE: Geez, does this whole power drain thing also turn you into a bloody whiner? I despise you and all, but I'll give respect where it's due, and you're not usually the whining type. This is so unlike you and it's annoying the piss outta me!

BUFFY_ (whining)_: I'm not WHINING!

GILES: Well now wait, I did talk to an administrator over there. A nice lady. She's not actually in the Council but she is a higher-up of sorts. She's going to see what she can do. She, uh, knows somebody who knows somebody who can open portals. And this witch, she can do it from England, she doesn't have to travel here.

BUDDY_ (yawning)_: Aw man. We may survive this yet. If this woman calls back, wake me up. I'm taking a nap._ (He sits on the couch and lounges back into it)._

BUFFY_ (sitting next to Buddy)_: Well I might as well take one, too!

_Later, the gang is preparing for the impending attack. Willow and Tara are looking at a spellbook. Buddy and Buffy are snoozing on the couch. Buffy is actually slightly snoring. Spike is clicking away at a video game paddle, heavily involved in the bloody fighting game he's playing, his eyes focused and tongue slightly out; Xander is dueling him, at the other paddle. Riley is calibrating his Initiative-issue laser weapon. Giles is sharpening his ax in the kitchen. _

SPIKE: Aw yeah! Mmm! Take tha' ya pisser! Nnn! Ya want another one o' those?! Want sommore o' that?! Oh yeah, baby! TAKE THAT XANDER, yap ponce!! Bwa ha!

XANDER_ (furiously clicking away)_: Aw man! I can't do my special moves! I don't think it's working right!

SPIKE: Ahhh yeah, your ready for this? Get ready…

_Spike's character slices the head off of Xander's. CGI blood spurts all over the television screen._

SPIKE_ (standing up in triumph):_ Ha ha! Won another one!

XANDER_ (throwing controller down):_ No fair! My controller's not working right!

GILES_ (from other room, in a tired, annoyed voice)_: The controller's almost brand new Xander…

SPIKE: Man I gotta get me one o' these Playstations for my lair. Giles can you spot me two hundred dollars?

GILES: No!

SPIKE_ (calling back to kitchen)_: Wha?! I'm good for it!

GILES: No!

SPIKE: Well I gotta get one somehow. I mean, if I can't cut your head off in real life, Xander, this'll do.

XANDER: Well I want a rematch!

ANYA: Hey! It's my turn! You guys said it was my turn next. And the time before that. And the time before THAT!

SPIKE: Bloke wants another rematch, doll. He's a sucker for punishment. Whaddya gonna do?

ANYA_ (calling to kitchen)_: Giles! They won't let me have a turn!

GILES_ (in the tired tone of voice again)_: Boys, let Anya play!

XANDER: B-but--!

GILES: Don't make me put the Playstation up!

XANDER: Well, Spike, give her your control.

SPIKE: Hey, I won. You know the rules!

ANYA: Honey, I kick your ass every time. I want a challenge for once.

XANDER_ (tossing control)_: Oh, fine! Whatever! _(He scoffs and gets up)_.

_Anya grins and giddily picks up the control and saunters her down to the floor._

TARA_ (pointing to something in the book her and Willow are studying)_: I think this will work.

WILLOW: Let's try it. Gotta wake the "sleeping beauties," though.

TARA: Oh! I know!

_She casts a spell that causes the Slayers' noses to tickle. They both reach up and scratch their noses, but don't wake up. Tara pouts when it doesn't work._

WILLOW: Hm! Slayers shouldn't be this hard to wake up. I mean, they practically, literally, sleep with one eye open. This double-Slayer mojo is really taking its toll.

XANDER: Hey I have another idea, guys. One surefire way to always wake a Slayer up.

TARA: Ooo, _you_ know a spell or something?

XANDER: Something like that._ (He puts his mouth near Buffy's ear)_. WAKE UP!! RISE AND SHINE!!

_Buffy and Buddy, startled, bang awake!_

BUFFY_ (as her startled eyes are as wide as they can be, as she reflexively shoots her fist out and punches Xander in the face)_: IT'S A WAKE-UP DEMON!

_Xander grabs his face, yells in pain, and tumbles to the floor. Buffy, still startled, still confused, looks all around her, then down to see Xander._

BUFFY: Wha-Wha-What's going on?

BUDDY_ (rubbing crusties out of his eyes)_: You slayed a… a… "Wake-Up Demon?"

XANDER_ (still on the floor holding his face)_: You hit me in the nose!

BUFFY: Xander, take some advice… Don't you ever… EVER… do that again, not to ME, not to ANY Slayer! Even ones _not_ at full power! Unless you like your face broken.

XANDER_ (groaning)_: Dully noted!

GILES: "Do not ever, under _any_ circumstances, absolutely _no_ exceptions, awaken a Slayer from a deep slumber by conventional means. i.e. shaking, hitting, kicking, _yelling in her ear_." That's actually in the Watcher's handbook, Xander. One of the first things we're taught.

SPIKE_ (eyes still focused on the television, thumbs still clicking the controller)_: No vampire has ever successfully killed a Slayer by trying to surprise them in their sleep. Many have been dusted thinking it was going to be an easy kill. _(A monstrous roar comes from the video game)_ Aw, Anya, you bitch!

ANYA: Ha ha, ate your head off! I rule!

XANDER_ (slowly standing up)_: And to think, I was just trying to make a fool out of you witches, trying to wake people up with spells, how silly that is…

WILLOW_ (looking at their spellbook)_: Instant karma. Gotta love it.

TARA: So, um, Buffy, we, um, we have a, um, spell.

BUFFY: Only one? In that big book? How long _is_ it?

WILLOW: No! We found a spell in the book that we think can reverse how you two are cancelling each others' powers out. It's a general, multi-purpose reversal spell.

BUFFY: Well let's try it. Quick. Some stroke of good luck has kept the demons from attacking us yet. I don't want to push that luck.

BUDDY: Frankly, I don't know what they're waiting for. Any time a demon, or demons, do something you don't expect, it is usually not good.

WILLOW: All right. Tara, you ready?

TARA: R-ready as I'll ever be.

WILLOW_ (instructing both Slayers)_: OK you two. Stand closely together.

_Both Slayers stand close to each other, a few feet in front of Willow and Tara, who begin chanting a spell. Suddenly, the ground beneath them rumbles. The lights flicker._

XANDER_ (looking up, as Willow and Tara finish their spell)_: I think the forecast is calling for a 90 chance of apocalypse!

_Anya runs to the kitchen as the ground rumbles and the lights flicker again._

ANYA_ (swiping a butcher knife from Giles' knife set on the counter)_: Quick! Everybody grab something sharp!

GILES: You know, something in the weapons cabinet would probably be better, Anya.

ANYA: Oh, yeah!

_Anya drops the knife and runs to the cabinet. She grabs a long sword. Xander runs over and grabs a curved sword._

WILLOW: So how do you two feel?

BUFFY: Tnereffid eenh leaf I kniht tnod I.

BUDDY: mace eht leaf I.

TARA: Crap! They're talking backwards!

XANDER: If they can kill them while talking backwards, I'm OK with that!

_Buffy and Buddy, walking backwards, go back to the couch. Together, they try to lift it. After some grunting and pulling, they only lift it a few inches. They drop it when the house rumbles again. _

WILLOW: Nobody panic! It may take a little time to kick in. It took about twelve hours for them to complete the process of cancelling each other out.

RILEY_ (looking all around, grip tight on his weapon)_: But I think the demons are gonna be here in about twelve _seconds!_

ANYA: Willow, Tara, try some sort of acceleration spell on them!

GILES: If that spell goes wrong they could age them ten years! Or twenty! Or, or fifty!

XANDER: Hey well look on the bright side, they'd be able to finally get senior citizens' discounts!

_Buffy says something backwards to Xander. He can't understand it, but he could tell by the tone of her voice that it wasn't pleasant._

XANDER: Anybody speak backwards? I want to know what she just called me.

ANYA: Xander, honey, in my former business, you had to learn all kinds of languages, forwards _and_ backwards, and let me tell you, you don't want to know!

_Willow cast another spell on Buffy and Buddy._

XANDER: What does that one do?

WILLOW: It's a spell of Understanding. It's usually used to help you understand somebody speaking in a language you don't know. It should return their speech to normal, at least to the ears of everybody in the room.

TARA: Buffy, Buddy, say something. Um, anything.

BUDDY_ (grinning)_: Something, um, anything.

BUFFY: Xander's a dork.

WILLOW_ (putting fists in the air in triumph)_: Yay! Go me!

_Then, suddenly, the room goes dark and the ground rumbles more violently. A deep, gargling roar begins to come from seemingly every direction. Buffy and Buddy run for the cabinet to get weapons. Giles readies his ax, Riley his energy gun, Anya and Xander their swords, and Willow and Tara flip back into their spellbook. Spike balls his fists and cracks his head to the right, then the left._

SPIKE_ (muttering)_: Let's dance.


	6. Chapter 5

**ACT V: An Unfair Fight**

_As the grounds shakes some more and the lights flicker again, Buffy and Buddy stand rigid in their fighting stances. Buffy is wielding an ornate scythe. Buddy has an ax similar to Giles'. _

_Suddenly, seven 8-foot tall figures in dark robes and hoods start flickering in and out, in front of the Slayers. It looks as if they're on a television screen that is malfunctioning. They flicker, waver, blur, and, in between those interferences, become crystal clear. When the group can see them well, though, they see frightening, wrinkled grey faces with large, open mouths that always look like they're sucking in the air around them and glowing, pale blue eyes._

XANDER: Boy, the reception sucks on the Demon Channel!

ANYA: They're phasing in and out of their two dimensions, this one and Buddy's! This is not good.

BUFFY: Why?

_As if to answer her question, snake-like tentacles lash out from under one of the demon's robes. She swats them away as they attempt to bite her then swings her scythe at its head. It goes right through as if the demon isn't even there. Then, the snake-tentacles start slithering out from under all of their robes._

BUDDY: Uh-oh. We'll never win!

GILES_ (holding a book in one hand, his weapon in the other, reading the book):_ Back away from them! Quickly!

BUFFY_ (backing away quickly along with Buddy)_: Their bites deadly?!

GILES: They can be, but worse than that, what they are sucking in is not air, it's positive emotions like confidence and hope! They try to make their opponents feel hopeless and pessimistic about the fight!

BUDDY: Well then clearly we can't win!

BUFFY_ (grabbing Buddy and dragging him as she moves further back as quickly as she can)_: Shut up and back up further! Let's try not to lose this completely pointless fight _too_ quickly!

XANDER: _That's_ the spirit, Buffy!

_Everybody but Spike starts heading for the back of the room. Giles runs to the cabinet to replace his ax with a crossbow._

SPIKE_ (vamping out)_: Well I still feel pretty confident!

_Spike attacks one of them, but after several attempts, only one blow doesn't go though them. Their tentacle-snakes begin lashing out at him. He yells in pain each time he's bitten._

WILLOW_ (flipping frantically through the spell book; Tara looks over her shoulder)_: Confidence spell… confidence spell! Oh, I'll NEVER find it in time!

TARA: W-W-We need to m-m-move further a-away!

_Tara ushers Willow into the kitchen and back against the stove, about as far back away from the demons as they can get without leaving the house._

_Meanwhile, Giles begins firing bolts at the demons. His first two fire right through them. Finally he gets lucky and one hits one of the demons right in the head. But unfortunately it doesn't kill it. In fact, it only seems to anger it, as it yanks the bolt out, crushes it in its hand, and throws it to the ground._

_Spike continues to attack the demons, striking hardly any blows. Riley tries his energy weapon and, like the others, most of his attacks go right through them. The ones that do hit seem to have little effect. Buffy and Buddy are still idle, nervous, unsure of what to do. By this time Anya has grabbed Giles' only other crossbow and she begins firing. She misses every time. Xander decides he's tired of standing around doing nothing and throws his sword right at the chest of one of the demons. To his amazement, it hits!_

XANDER_ (jumping up and down)_: I DID IT! I DID IT!

_The demon slumps backwards, gripping the hilt of the sword. It is clearly badly wounded. All the demons turn their frightening gazes right at Xander._

XANDER_ (nervously points at Riley)_: uhh… HE DID IT! HE DID IT!

GILES: Aim for their chests! They're vulnerable there!

_Spike, after throwing a few more useless blows, spreads a devilish grin on his face. He bats away a few attacking tentacles, then sticks his hand in the chest of the demon in front of him as it phases out. When it phases back in Spike grabs its heart. The look on its face changes quickly to one of alarm. Spike grins big, showing all his pointy teeth, then rips its heart out. After looking at its own black, oily, slimy heart still beating in Spike's hand, it crumbles to the floor._

SPIKE_ (tossing the heart to the floor)_: Guess this one didn't have his heart in it anymore, eh?!

_As Spike tries to tear another demon heart out, facing fierce opposition from the tentacles (which are more diligent now) Giles sighs and shakes his head in frustration._

GILES: Buffy, Buddy! Come on! Stop standing around! You are bloody SLAYERS for heaven's sake! Get in there and FIGHT! We know how to kill them now, just get some damn confidence up and DO IT!

BUDDY: But-but, Giles--!

BUFFY: But we--!

GILES: Are you bloody Slayers or NOT?! Slay, damn you! Are you going to kill some demons or run home to your mums?! Look at Spike, damn it! You gonna let HIM upstage you, get more kills than you?!

XANDER: Giles! If they get in there and start fighting now, they could die! Give 'em a break!

GILES: If they fail… if _we_ fail… we could _all_ die, Xander! Legend has it that on a parallel Earth hundreds of years ago they opened a doorway to a Hell dimension an unleashed everything inside it, destroying all civilization there! And there wasn't a Slayer to stop them!

_A bolt strikes a demon in the heart. It goes down._

ANYA: Whoo hoo! I got one!

GILES_ (still berating the Slayers)_: Look! Now ANYA'S got one! ANYA!

_Riley runs up to where he's flanking the Slayers. He pulls a dagger from a leg holster._

RILEY: Come on, soldiers! You may not be in the Initiative with me, but we're all soldiers in the army of good!

SPIKE_ (still trying to grab another heart, suffering multiple bites)_: _I'm_ not!

RILEY: Except for Spike, we're all soldiers in the army of good! Now come with me and fight the good fight! _(He hesitates)_ … that we're probably going to lose! _(He shakes his head)_ Damn it!

_Riley throws his dagger at one of the demons. It would have been deadly accurate, if it had not sailed right through while it was dephasing. _

WILLOW: We found it!

_Willow and Tara chant a simple spell. Buffy and Buddy both shake their heads a little and their facial expressions brighten up a bit. The Slayers and Riley (who is drawing another dagger) attack the demons with renewed vigor._

GILES: Riley, I recommend you keep your distance, use your energy rifle! If the Slayers have their powers back, any of it, they would probably survive the tentacle bites! But one successful bite would kill you in a matter of seconds!

RILEY_ (as he hacks off tentacles with his other dagger)_: I'll take your advice… into… consideration Giles!

_One of the tentacles lashes out at Riley's chest quickly and Riley leans back, barely dodging it. Meanwhile, Buffy and Buddy are hacking off tentacles right and left, trying to get close enough to attack the demons' chests._

SPIKE_ (holding another bleeding demon heart):_ HA HA! That's four down and… um… _(he looks worriedly at the door)_ um… a dozen to go?

XANDER_ (looking at door)_: Oh crap.

_Many more Ra'd'ha'Sha demons begin entering the house._

BUFFY_ (as she slashes at a phasing demon)_: This is hopeless!!

GILES: Willow, Tara, keep repeating the spell! They're sucking the confidence almost as quickly as you're giving it back to them!

_Willow and Tara begin a process where they repeat the spell over and over again. Riley barely dodges another bite._

BUFFY: Riley, get away from these things! Are you suicidal?!

RILEY: Buffy, I--!

_Buffy pushes Riley hard, causing him to fly halfway across the room._

BUFFY: Come close to this melee again and I'll knock you unconscious!

_Meanwhile, about six demons are all converging on Spike, who has been the most threatening. Suddenly he finds his best efforts cannot prevent them from wrapping dozens of tentacles around his neck. They begin strangling him._

RILEY: I never thought I'd be suggesting this, but you two need to help Spike! They're going to rip his head off!

BUFFY_ (grunting, trying to keep her weapon in a demon's chest as it is phasing back in)_: Little busy here!

BUDDY: I got 'im!

_Buddy dodges tentacles as he runs over to Spike. He begins slicing tentacles up. He gets bit several times in the arm and once on his right cheek._

BUDDY: AHH! Son of a bitch! Hope we've got that Slayer mojo back!

_Buffy gets bit many times as she filets the chest of the demon she is fighting at the moment. It moans and falls backwards. Anya fells another one, again with her crossbow. After sending a volley into the bunch, Giles kills one as well._

_Buddy, meanwhile, looks visibly distressed from the bites as he is still trying to free Spike, but he is alive, as well as Buffy._

BUFFY_ (battling several more demons, talking while grunting)_: Giles… we need that fourfold… strength! These things… just keep coming! We need that… damn portal!

GILES: I'll try to call the Council again!

_As Giles grabs his phone handset, Xander zings a throwing star from the weapons cabinet into the group of demons. It flies through two phasing out demons, but hits one behind them. It does not fell the demon, however._

XANDER: Cool! I've always wanted to throw one of those!

_Xander's smile fades when he sees that Buffy, Buddy, and Spike are being completely overrun. The trio is barely visible amidst the sea of demons. Some of them break off their attack on them and head further into the room, towards Xander, Anya, and Riley._

GILES_ (yelling into phone, cradled between his head and shoulder, while trying to aim his crossbow)_: No, I will NOT hold! N-no…. damn it!

_Frustrated, he puts the phone on speaker, puts it on the dining table, and fires a volley of bolts at the advancing demons. The soft jazz, saxophone-laden elevator music coming from the phone creates a bizarre soundtrack to the lift-and-death battle around it._

BUFFY_ (using Spike's tactic, ripping out a demon heart)_: Just start ripping out hearts, Buddy! Drop your weapon!

BUDDY_ (both hands in two demon chests)_: Already have!_ (Soon he is triumphantly ripping out two hearts)_

GILES' PHONE_ (a pleasant, friendly, British male recorded voice overlays music)_: "Here at the Watcher's Council, we appreciate all of our clients and their time. We are experiencing an unusual volume of calls right now and we ask for your patience. Your call will be answered in the order it was received. Once again, thank you for calling the Watcher's Council…

SPIKE_ (still dealing with tentacles trying to strangle him)_: Bloody tentacles!! Let go or I'll gouge your eyes out!_ (He sticks his fingers into the demon's eyes, it yells in pain.)_

GILES' PHONE_ (the pleasant, friendly recorded voice overlays music again)_: "While you wait, a few fun facts. Did you know that a Moaner demon named Cretcky threatened former United States president John Adams – at the White House! – in 1799 before being killed by the Slayer Judith Burroughs? Six months later Cretcky's brother Nimbo ripped her head off in a surprise attack. Thank you for holding, we'll be with you shortly…"

_Riley starts carefully firing his gun into the demons. Most of his shots miss. Two hit, but don't do much damage. Anya tries firing more bolts. She misses every time._

_Suddenly, a small, bright ball of light appears near Buffy and Buddy, to their left. It expands quickly to reveal that it is a portal. The demons look upon it with alarm._

BUFFY_ (holding a tentacle in each hand, looking at portal)_: Buddy, look!

BUDDY_ (looking at it, too)_: I see it! Finally! Hey, Buffy, wanna walk me back to my dimension?!

BUFFY_ (batting her eyes, feigning coyness about the best somebody can while six demons are attacking with lethal force)_: Why, Buddy… we just… met! I'm not that kind of--!

SPIKE_ (trying to remove tentacles from his neck that are strangling him, lifting him off the ground):_ Just… go through… the bleeding… portal… ya prats!!

_Both Buffy and Buddy tear into the demons nearest them, kicking, punching, ripping tentacles, trying to get clear of them. Most of their attacks actually hit the demons. The Slayers' sudden burst of energy catches the demons off guard, which allows them the opportunity to make a run for the portal. They face fierce opposition from the demons closest to the portal but, hoping their strength will increase tremendously in the next dimension, they empty their tanks, beating them back, tentacles and all, to get to the portal. The ones holding Spike let him go to pursue the Slayers._

TARA: Willow, r-reverse the reversal spell!! B-before they get to the portal!

WILLOW: Oh yeah! _(She quickly reverses the reversal spell)_

TARA: Um, wha-what spell were you doing a second ago?

WILLOW: Oh, it was just… it was nothing. Just another little boost for them.

_Finally, the Slayers make one last plunge for the portal as all the demons converge on them simultaneously. They make it through! The portal closes soon afterwards. _

_All the demons suddenly roar loudly, causing the ground to shake violently. Objects begin falling (dishes, pictures on the wall, etc) to the floor as everybody tries to retain their footing. They all turn to the occupants remaining in the room._

XANDER: Well guys. I hope the Slayers kill 'em soon. 'Cuz, uh, here come those extremely lethal tentacles.

_The demons begin walking toward them._

XANDER_ (backing away)_: …and they are coming closer!

_The scene switches to Buffy and Buddy flying through a portal and landing in the living room of Giles' house. At first it doesn't appear that they've gone anywhere. The demons are there, at the door, approximately in the same configuration they were in before the Slayers entered the portal._

BUFFY_ (looking around)_: What? Um. Did we go anywhere?

BUDDY: We're probably at Miss Gillian's house, my Watcher!

_They do not have any time to investigate further, as the Ra'd'ha'Sha waste no time attacking the Slayers again. However, this time, it is a much different experience…_

BUFFY: Wow! I mean… WOW!

BUDDY: I'm Mikey… I LIKE IT!

_Both Slayers look down at their bodies as the relentlessly attacking tentacles do almost no damage. All the demons begin groaning._

BUFFY: This fourfold power… it's _freakin' awesome!_ I have GOT to find an excuse to visit _here_ more often!

BUDDY: As much as I'd like to continue to trip out on this surge of power, we should probably slay them now. I assume they're still in your Giles' house, and without any Slayers to help.

BUFFY: Oh, right. Sure. Let's kick some ass. And… not take names this time.

BUDDY_ (as both get into a fighting stance)_: Agreed! Huuuuuzah!

_Both Slayers plow into the demons. Most of their blows hit. They begin ripping the chests apart of demon after demon. The Slayers even start tearing the limbs and heads off of the demons. It is a demon slaughter! Pieces of them, including multitudes of snake-tentacles, begin flying all around the room – against the walls, the furniture, and some of the parts even stick the ceiling._

_The remaining demons soon realize their counter attacks are almost completely futile. One of them holds out a glowing hand, opening a portal behind the Slayers. The demons then try to push them back into it. _

BUFFY_ (looking back after tearing both the arms off of one in front of her)_: Aw, looks like the scared demons are trying to send us on another trip!

BUDDY: Too bad we're like brick walls! HA!

_It is true, for the demons can not even budge the Slayers backwards an inch. The Slayers, so completely unaffected, even continue to advance into the group of demons._

_One of the demons barks an order to the others in their bizarre language. The ones still alive rapidly retreat from the house. As each one makes it to the front porch, they vanish as ribbons of dark shadows envelope them and then collapse into nothing. Soon all of them are gone._

BUFFY_ (holding up the head of the last one she killed)_: Super Slayers…. VICTORIOUS!

_She then lets it go and punts it out the door! They watch it fly over the fence and keep going until it is out of sight._

BUDDY: The NFL should draft you! You'd make a mighty fine kicker!

BUFFY: Thank you, but I think I'll stick to vampire and demon slaying. The season goes year 'round.

_Buddy sighs, puts his hands on his hips, and looks around._

BUDDY: Well, that was fun.

BUFFY_ (also looking around)_: Check out this carnage. We did this in… gee… musta been record time. _(She notices the portal.)_ Oh look, they were nice enough to leave their portal open!

BUDDY: Heh, nice had nuthin' to do with it, Slayerette. It's probably in their best interest… and the best interest of any other evil thing here… that you go home.

BUFFY: Just think of what we could do, though! I mean, we could--!

_As Buffy is talking she slaps a nearby phone table. She smashes it to bits. She grits her teeth, frowns, and bugs out her eyes, making an "Ooops!" face._

BUFFY: Uhhh.. Buffy smash!

BUDDY: We're hulks all right. They definitely wouldn't like us when we're angry!

BUFFY: Uh, tell you, uh, whatshername… Miss Gillian? Tell her I'm sorry.

BUDDY: It's all right. We'll blame it on the demons. Speaking of her… where _is_ she? Nobody's here. I wonder where _my_ Scoobies are. I kinda wanted you to meet 'em.

BUFFY_ (looking at the portal, which appears to be shrinking)_: Hmm. Looks like the meter's running. This interdimensional cab isn't gonna stay parked here much longer. Maybe some other time, when it's safe for Willow and Tara to conjure up me a portal.

BUDDY: Too bad we can't call each other. Man, this kind of sucks. We didn't even get to know _each other_ very well.

BUFFY: Uh, Buddy, you're a male version of _me_. We probably have that covered.

BUDDY: Good point, Buffster! Looks like it's your final boarding call. See ya!

BUFFY: TTFN!

_Before it closes, Buffy waves goodbye, then jumps into the portal! Buddy smiles as he watches it shrink into oblivion. Then, all the demon parts begin phasing out of sight._

BUDDY: Hey hey! I wish all messes were that easy to clean!

A VOICE BEHIND HIM: Buddy!!

_Buddy turns around._

BUDDY: Hey, Miss Gillian! And Willow! Tanya! Guess what, I'm back! Where's Alexandra? Um… why the long faces??

_The scene switches back to Giles' house. Everybody looks a tad stupefied._

XANDER: I… have never seen anything quite like what we just witnessed.

BUFFY: Saw the massacre from this end, huh?

ANYA: I, uh… I actually almost felt kinda sorry for them.

GILES: Yes, um, Buffy… that was… um… er…

WILLOW: Brutal?

GILES: Yes, er, thank you Willow. That's a good word.

BUFFY: Hey, guys, we're talking about massively evil demons here. Right?

GILES: Oh, well, erm, of course! It is a very good thing that they were defeated. They'll probably lick their wounds for another four hundred years before they regroup and try something again. So, yes, bravo! Definitely. But, um, well, we couldn't actually see you two, but I am kind of hoping that you didn't take great pleasure in it. I mean, that would be…

BUFFY: Oh, pleasure? Oh, uh, well, no. No no no. Well, ok, _some_ pleasure. But _great_ pleasure? Ummmmm… no. I wouldn't characterize it as great… I don't think.

GILES: Perhaps it's best that you two stay in your own dimensions from now on.

BUFFY: Yeah, maybe you're right. I did kind of… um, maybe enjoy it a little too much.

RILEY_ (grinning from ear to ear)_: I would have loved to have seen you doing that action. I'll bet you were awesome!

BUFFY: Wanna go back to my dorm room while I've still got a bit of that fourfold power?

RILEY: I thought you'd never ask!

BUFFY_ (as Riley drags her out the door)_: Well, guys, see ya! We're gonna pull a Xander and Anya! _(As she's completely out the door, they hear her voice)_: Woot!

GILES: Well, I suppose she deserves a bit of a break. So, um, who wants to help clean up this…?

XANDER: Oh, man Giles, I am BEAT! _(He stretches and feigns yawning)_ Time to go home and hit the hay!

GILES_ (looking at his pocket watch)_: But, it's only seven thirty…

ANYA: Yeah, I'm gonna go help tuck him in! My man, he loves being tucked in!

_Anya and Xander quickly leave._

SPIKE: Well, I'm off to my lair, gotta catch up on my soaps. I finally figured out how to program those bloody VCR things. Later!

_Spike grabs his blanket from the coat hanger by the door, as it is still a little daylight, and scampers outside, steaming a little as he does so._

_Giles sighs and slowly goes over and shuts his door, which they'd all left open. _

WILLOW: We'll stay and help.

TARA: Yeah. We-we'll hang out a little while longer.

GILES_ (scoff-laughing)_: Yes. Here's one couple that doesn't have to run off to, um, well, you know…

_Willow and Tara look at each other. Then they begin laughing nervously._

WILLOW: OH! Oh, yeah, totally!

TARA: T-t-t-totally!

WILLOW: I'll get a broom!

_As she runs to the kitchen, Giles follows her. Once inside, he says to her, in a low voice:_

GILES: Erm, Willow. I have a question. Um, I finally got through to the Council after they went through the portal. Their witch over there, she was just about to open the portal at that time. But it was already open.

WILLOW_ (turned away from Giles, opening up a closet)_: Um… that's strange.

GILES: You, uh, wouldn't know anything about that? Would you?

WILLOW: What, _me_? The portal?? Oh, no. _(She scoffs)_ I wouldn't know anything yet about portal-opening! Maybe it was one of those nice portal-opening demons we were talking about earlier or something.

_She swallows nervously, out of sight of Giles, and quickly leaves the kitchen with the broom._

GILES_ (quietly)_: I sincerely hope so.

_The scene fades to black._


End file.
